Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
