My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
