Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
