Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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