T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
worst night to have a conscience
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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