New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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