No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
