i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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