omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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