Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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