You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
