You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
