whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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