and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
