I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
