woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize