To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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