she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
