Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
