That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im six kinds of drunk right now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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