she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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