Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
