wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
