It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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