If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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