She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
