dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
