Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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