In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it's like iHOP with fire
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
