Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
