Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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