you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
