what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
