This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
