Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
