She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize