i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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