just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
