At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
