how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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