hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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