Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We have so much sex to catch up on
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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