I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk is not a location!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
