I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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