i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize