i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
