He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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