I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
