in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
