Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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