As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
try to milk me bitch
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