i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
