i permit you to call me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
