Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
