theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
