I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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