i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize