o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
