I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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