i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
