I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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