Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
