eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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