home. puking in laundry basket.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
