i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize