I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
ugly people sure do ruin things
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
