Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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