I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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